I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
last night I used snow as a chaser
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
