she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
