Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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