So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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