so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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