Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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