dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
