I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
