Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just pynch a tree in the face
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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