Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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