When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
two words...techno handjob
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
