she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
