i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
