My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
