Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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