She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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