his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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