And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
