you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
