An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
