I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
