I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
