I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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