at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
