No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
