so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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