We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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