Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
