i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
