Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
