nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
