dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
