You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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