Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We need to get me chipped asap
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