I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
