she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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