did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
