remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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