I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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