I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
