I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
