I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize