tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
