I think I just saw someone hide a body.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
