I hate your face
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
