His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
