the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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