low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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