You just made me feel so damn special
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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