operation harelip BJ is a go
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
