There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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