It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
