Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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