it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
