Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
