My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
