the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
