I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Randomize
