if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
