I got chris browned last night
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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