Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
