new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
