you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
