You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
