I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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