she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
are you so shy because you have an std?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
