He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
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Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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