Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
