You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
