Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
