Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
