Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
