we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
