I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
