My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
