dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
