if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
