I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
