The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
