im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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