and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
