I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
